By: BK Geeta
Source: The Daily Guardian https://epaper.thedailyguardian.com/view/2853/the-daily-guardian/15
Dated: August 16th, 2025

Everyone wants to live a happy life and create a better future for themselves. Having the fundamental resources, such as good health, a sound mind, and adequate wealth, helps in this. But often people who seemingly have everything, lead an unhappy existence. Self- doubt, excessive focus on their shortcomings, and guilt and shame over past mistakes warp their self-perception, trapping them in a cycle of gloomy thoughts.

Self-doubt paralyses us by causing hesitation and overthinking, making it difficult to take decisive action. Even when we get ourselves to act, self-doubt whispers that our efforts will not be enough, leading us to give up prematurely. We may avoid challenging situations or opportunities altogether, which limits our growth.

Fixating on our weaknesses skews our self-image and we see ourselves as inadequate. It also feeds our insecurity, which then confirms our negative self-beliefs. But it is remaining stuck in the past that probably does the most damage. Guilt and shame tie our identity to our worst moments. When we are held hostage by the past, our memories, emotions, and the resultant beliefs prevent us from fully engaging with the present or imagining a different future.

The paradox is that self-improvement often starts not with self-criticism, but with acceptance. We cannot shame ourselves into wholeness. Mistakes and flaws are not evidence of worthlessness; they are a part of being human. Many great individuals we hold in high esteem were not born virtuous or confident — they became that way, through inner conflict, humility, and resolve.

Mahatma Gandhi was a shy, self-conscious youth. As a lawyer in South Africa, he was so nervous during his first court case that he fled the courtroom. He constantly questioned his worth and struggled with guilt over his personal failings. But through spiritual reflection, humility, and active resistance to injustice, he redefined himself, ultimately becoming a global symbol of nonviolent resistance who led India to freedom from British colonial rule.

Similarly, Abraham Lincoln battled lifelong depression and was filled with self-doubt. He failed in business, lost several elections, and once wrote that he was the most miserable man alive. However, he channelled his introspection into empathy, resilience, and moral clarity. His humility made him amenable to consensus. He led the United States through its civil war, was instrumental in the abolition of slavery in America, and is now one of the most revered US presidents.

What these stories teach us is that when we work on ourselves with honesty, kindness, and patience, we can achieve meaningful and sustainable healing and growth.

We can start by speaking to ourselves like a friend: Would we say what we say to ourselves to someone we care about? When we catch ourselves thinking, “I failed, therefore I am a failure,” we can instead think, “This did not go well — what can I learn from it?”

Forgiveness is essential to healing. It is not about excusing harm or forgetting the past, but we can choose not to carry the emotional burden of guilt or resentment forever.

Self-compassion and forgiveness work as emollients, reducing the pain carried from the past. But to turn our life around, meditation comes in handy.

Meditation, which involves creating positive, empowering thoughts about the self — not artificial or forced, but gentle, with faith and self-belief — calms the mind and brings mental clarity. That helps us see the stories of the past from a different perspective — including one of growth, and resilience. It also trains us to live in the present, not in past regrets or
future fears. Regular practice of meditation leads to better focus and fewer distracting thoughts. Focus enables us to process information deeply, improving understanding and memory. We are able to do more in less time, with fewer mistakes. Overthinking and anxiety are curbed, and we become less reactive. With the number of thoughts reduced, there is greater mental space for creative ideas to emerge. In addition, a de-cluttered mind
discerns and makes decisions more accurately.

When the quality of our thinking changes, so does our experience of life. A stronger mind develops confidence, which removes the defeatism and inferior feelings of the past. A huge burden is lifted off the mind when we realise that many of the things we used to agonise over and torment ourselves with, are mere trifles. Our enhanced self-assurance brings the courage and willingness to step outside self-imposed limits and explore new possibilities, which opens further avenues for growth. In effect, the fresh outlook gained from meditation becomes a stepping stone to a new life.

BK Geeta is a Rajyoga teacher 
at the Brahma Kumaris headquarters in Abu Road, Rajasthan.