Suppose you have a situation. You are very disturbed and frustrated. There is someone who you think has wronged you. Your thoughts are very fast, you are not able to focus on anything. Okay, there are a few steps you can do to find peace within. But these steps demand a lot of patience from your side because you are going to correct yourself. Not that person, not that problem.

Okay. First one is to acknowledge very honestly my part in the situation. In other words, identify the sense programming - she said something or he said something, which really made me angry. And maybe the world would justify that anger in view of what's been done. But I don't want that programming of anger. I don't want that programming of reaction. So the first step is to honestly acknowledge my part in the whole thing. Here's a marvelous situation which is mirroring to me that I still have anger. And I've decided I don't want anger. So first step is focus on myself. What's been triggered. Do I want that? No. First step, honestly acknowledging it with humility.

Two step, There's going to be negative consequences of that. And also I have damaged my conscience. My conscience, which normally would guide my divinity. I've just given it a blow because I've absolutely ignored it. So go into the depths of the harm I'm doing myself by working with this kind of negativity, go into the depths. Not to mention the harm I'm doing the relationship, the harm I'm doing to myself as a person. Go into the depths. This is the second step. Scare yourself, because it's worth scaring yourself. It's scary stuff, what we do so nonchalantly at this point in time. Because the conscience is dead, and it is not guiding us. Otherwise, the basic duty of the conscience is to keep you good, keep you good person good, peaceful, royal, loving, powerful and rightful.

Third step. And this is where it gets interesting. Try and figure out what exactly you're getting out of your anger. What do you get out of it? It must be that you're getting something out of it, which is why you continue to fall back on it. And it's a default behavior for you. Now that you're clear about what you're getting out of it, you have to decide if it's worthwhile considering all the harm you're doing. Put that against what you're getting out of it and consider, is there any other way to get the same thing without that anger? Like, is there something else you could be doing instead of shouting or blaming or yelling, getting stressed and stressing others? What that third step asks for is that we seek an outcome which is on a higher plane than just say, the satisfaction that I've done something. Yes, let me have the satisfaction that I've done something, but let me do something on a higher plane, one which is not going to cause harm.

What I do in the fourth step is I understand what it is I'm getting out of it, and I just See, if there isn't any other place, I can get that same outcome. Like, for example, the satisfaction that I've done something. Can't I get it by, as I was just saying, finding some other thing to do. Like, for example, writing a letter, sitting in my meditation room for 10 minutes, calming myself down. 
But the point is, when I really understood what I'm getting out of it, then I can start looking to replace it. Because we have to replace it. That involves some reprogramming.

And in the fifth step, when I'm convinced, I've reconvinced myself of the wrongness of this behavior and I've understood what I'm getting out of it, and I'm looking to see how I can replace it. That is actually when I hand it over to, I say God. But you can also say, I hand it over to the universe. The universe is a very loving force, and it'll eagerly take these negative things from us.

I say, look, first of all, I'm sorry. I really see my part in all of this. I see the harm it's doing. I see that actually what I'm really getting out of this is just an ego massage. It makes me feel like I'm in control, makes me feel good that I've done something. It makes me feel like I'm managing everything well. People are afraid of me now, and I don't want that anymore. I don't want that ego to reign. I don't want to be in control of anything in a negative way like that. I want my pure pride to come forward, not ego. So I have understood the picture, dear God. And so this behavior, I don't need it anymore. That's basically handing it over. When I realize to a very deep extent that I don't need this anymore, not only do I not want it, I do not need it anymore. So I'm giving it to you. And always when we give to the universe or we give to God because he's not a taker, he will give something back. So let me just sit there, be open and see what comes back to me.

Sharona Stillerman 
National Coordinator,
Brahma Kumaris, Israel