By: Sonja Ohlsson 
Source: The Daily Guardian https://epaper.thedailyguardian.com/view/1986/the-daily-guardian/15 
Dated: February 1st, 2025

Most of us are perfectionists in some area of our lives. It could be that I keep very high standards for myself, and yet they are so high, that I often fail to achieve them. Or, it could be that I imagine that others have high expectations of me and I feel that I need to live up to those expectations in order to be accepted. Mostly we will find that perfectionism arises from anxiety, fear and the need to control the world around me, or from a strong inner critic. On the one hand though, it is good to strive for perfection because it helps us move forward on the spiritual path, but on the other hand, we must learn to love the self and not be dependent on the results of our strivings.  

So, how to love the imperfect self and deal with inner fear and anxiety. We can learn to accept the imperfect self in transition. One of the ways is to start taking the journey more lightly, have fun, take a joyful and playful attitude to our endeavours. Imperfection can be liberating. Not having all the answers is OK. Once, in an intimate gathering with the Dalai Lama, at a moment of quietness, the Dalai Lama asked for questions. No-one ventured to ask one and the silence continued. Then someone spoke up and said: ‘How can we have world peace?’.  The Dalai Lama said: ‘I don’t know’. Everyone laughed, including the Dalai Lama, and the atmosphere was full of lightness and love. 

Love is the key to melting the harshness of perfectionism. We can learn to love all the changes on the journey, the changes in relationships, the unpredictability of everything – because I too, am unpredictable when faced with unfamiliar challenges. Doing things with love means doing them more slowly and this releases the anxiety. Perfectionism is a need to be in control, so along with loving the self, we need to let go. I need to find what one main negative conviction that I have of myself, is blocking so many good things, and let it go. Then so many pathways will open up in front of me.  

To be in peace one thing that I can do to calm down and learn to love the self. That in itself is a way of being in control. We cannot control what is happening out in the world, but when we are completely peaceful, we can control our actions and responses to what is happening, so it feels as though I am controlling the situation, but it is coming from inside. In peace I can talk to myself and ask myself if there is some other way to respond rather than with fear and anxiety. Peace leads to contentment and that leads to simplicity, which in turn leads back to peace. As the world is experiencing ever more peacelessness, I need to become more and more peaceful and reach a stage where nothing at all can take that inner peace from me.  

It is said that love is the opposite of fear, but actually it can also be knowledge and understanding that dispels fear. When I understand and experience that I am a spiritual being, a soul, completely indestructible, then fear is reduced. When I understand what is really going on in the world, and why, then there is no less fear. Understanding the power of now too takes away fear. Right now, wherever I am in this moment, I have everything I need. I will not be able to see it in a state of fear, but in a state of peace I will see it clearly. So, the moment I am in, is perfect – even if I am not, yet. 

Friends are important on a spiritual journey and when they take time to listen to us with love, fear and anxiety disappear. God is a great friend to have. When I stop and breathe and look for what is hidden from me right now, I will be able to feel that presence. There is a saying, ‘I do my best, and God does the rest’, and that is more than good enough, in fact, it is pretty nearly perfect.

 
Sonja Ohlsson 
Director Brahma Kumaris Denmark and BK Environment Initiative