By: Paramjit Basra
Source: The Daily Guardian https://epaper.thedailyguardian.com/view/2016/the-daily-guardian/15
Dated: February 8th, 2025

Recent reports indicate that as much as 33% of the world's population is lonely. That is an amazing statistic. What can be going on where, in a world where there are so many people, so many ways of staying connected and reaching out to others, so many are feeling lonely? Feelings of loneliness can be triggered by major life altering events, social anxiety or just by the fact of living alone, but those triggers are not the root cause.

The root cause is based on an identity crisis, and the conditioning belief, that all happiness lies with achieving and acquiring. Looking for fulfilment outside of the self is precarious because nothing in the external is permanent – everything is temporary. So, if I identify with any of the roles I play, that of profession, marital status, talents or skills, then once the role is over, as they all will be, I am left bereft and empty. With this kind of awareness then my life will be a roller coaster – happy when things go well and lost and lonely when things do not. 

I need to take a step back and observe that the problem is not out there, it is that I am attached to, identify with and am dependent upon all the roles I play, and acquisitions I accumulate to make myself feel secure. I need to stop blaming the outside world and others for the emptiness I feel and look within. The solution lies within.

 The physical body is a vehicle to navigate through the physical world. The driver of the vehicle is I – the actor, playing different roles. I, the conscient energy, the light, the soul am making the vehicle move where I want to go, and do what I want to do. For example, I may have the role of a manager, and if or when I lose this job, I feel totally lost. But I was not born a manager it was just a role I was playing. When I can step back in this way and separate the ‘me’ from the role, it is the first step to finding happiness. This happiness is a form of freedom. I then have no need to compare, compete, comment or criticise, because I am being true to myself. I become aware that all others are also playing their roles, their parts on the stage. I have no right to try to direct their roles, and the way they are playing them, to fit in with what I want. I just have to concentrate on playing my part to the best of my ability. 

 The second step is to look more deeply within to see what I, the soul, am made of. When I reconnect with the true self in this way, I begin to experience the intrinsic qualities of the soul; peace, love, joy, kindness, compassion, respect – we all have these qualities in abundance, within. This step is called, contemplation, meditation, introversion, whatever term feels most comfortable, and is a way of recharging the energy of the soul. Then I begin to feel a fulness that cannot be taken away from me; and it does not matter, where I am, who I am with, what I am doing – I can remain in a state of contentment and peace. This means I can fulfil all my responsibilities, the of care of my own body, of the family, friends and society, not shunning nor blaming, just enjoying the moment.

 This switch of awareness from dependency on the physical to the experience of the soul within is like switching on a powerful light in a room in darkness - the darkness simply disappears. However, knowing I am the spiritual being within and actually feeling that as a reality, takes practice. The best time to practice this is in the early morning. I can wake a little earlier than usual and dedicate some special time, before my day begins, in having a sweet conversation with the self, and cultivate the awareness of being the soul. There are three stages to this; I acknowledge, (I understand) I realise (I experience) and then I become the embodiment of the awareness, (I am). This is the light bulb moment and it comes, sooner or later, after persistent practice. Loneliness is a sign of an inability to cope with change. When I access the eternal, unchanging qualities of I, the soul, nothing on the outside can affect me. I will never need to feel lonely again.

Paramjit Basra has over 35 years in management 
and is based at the Brahma Kumaris Meditation Centre,
Leicester, UK.