By: Dr. Sarah Eagger
Source: The Daily Guardian https://epaper.thedailyguardian.com/view/2076/the-daily-guardian%09/15
Dated: February 22nd, 2025
“When the sunshine of loving kindness meets the tears of suffering, the rainbow of compassion arises” — A Myanmar saying
Learning to be kind to oneself is a very deep and important aspect of our spiritual journey. We often feel not good enough, not loveable or end up always trying to please others, so treating the self with compassion is vital. Being kind to oneself encompasses the vital energy of healing and is an intrinsic is part of spiritual growth. Once we understand the dynamics and importance of self-compassion it makes us stronger, more independent and opens our hearts.
“Know yourself” is a philosophical maxim inscribed upon the Temple of Apollo in the ancient Greek precinct of Delphi, and it holds a profound spiritual truth. When I deeply realise that I am a spiritual being and not the physical body I inhabit, I become aware that the core energy of my being is love. I realise, I am love; I have love within me. It is part of my core identity, my spiritual DNA.
The word compassion means ‘to suffer with’. It is not that we suffer with others, because it is much more complex than that, but it is about our relationship with suffering and pain and sorrow and how we relate to those moment in life, that we all encounter.
Paul Gilbert, a British clinical psychologist defines compassion as the …
“Deep awareness of the suffering of oneself and other living beings coupled with the wish and effort to alleviate it”.
Compassion is a powerful energy, and it is something we can all give to others and to ourselves. Compassion includes:
Attending – paying attention to the other – noticing
Understanding – having an empathic response to the distress of others
Empathising – taking a thoughtful and appropriate action to help relieve the suffering of another
Helping – taking thoughtful and appropriate action to help relieve the others suffering
The commitment to alleviate suffering requires courage and wisdom.
(Atkins and Parker 2012)
Why is it important to actively be kind to oneself?
“For someone to develop genuine compassion towards others, first they must have a basis upon which to cultivate compassion – that basis is the ability to connect to one’s own feelings and to care for one’s own welfare … caring for others requires caring for oneself.” - Dalia Lama 2012
However, being kind to oneself is something most of us are not very good at. Kristen Neff is an associate professor in the department of Educational Psychology, at the University of Texas, Austin, USA. She says that there are 3 components to self-compassion:
- Mindfulness – ‘notice’ - we have to know where it hurts to be able to respond to ourself. We have to feel it so we can heal it.
- Common Humanity – We are not alone. There are seven billion of us on the planet, so the chances are we are sharing the same feeling as billions of other at any given moment.
- Self-Kindness – Treat ourselves as we would a dear friend – holding a hand, softening the tone of voice, taking care with the words we choose. All of this requires courage and wisdom.
One of the reasons that most of us are not very good at self-compassion is that many of us spend most of our time feeling angry, stressed, and anxious. We are out of balance, and are releasing too much adrenaline (response to fear) or dopamine (addicted to ‘doing’) into our systems. We need to spend more time in a safe, connected space where we release more oxytocin, and endorphins, the hormones of love and calmness. This is why meditation is a way of bringing ourselves back into balance. In meditation, we connect with our real self, the soul, and to the higher Universal Source of love and peace. In so doing, we trigger, via our thoughts and feelings, the physiological response of calmness and kindness – the compassionate response.
When we practice self-compassion, we are authentically reflecting our true spiritual nature of love and peace.
Dr. Sarah Eagger, a long-time practitioner of Rajyoga,
is Chair of the Janki Foundation and a retired consultant psychiatrist formerly at Imperial College, London.
Her book, ‘Stillness in the Storm—7 tools for coping with fear and uncertainty’, was published recently.
