By: BK Aruna Ladva
Source: The Daily Guardian 
Dated: September 27th, 2025

“Good manners are just a way of showing other people that we have respect for them.” - Bill Kelly

There was a time when manners were taught at school. We were taught how to behave, how to sit, how to speak, and so on. Politeness and good manners were a given and was the way we showed respect for one another. It seems with so-called new freedoms, manners have gone out the window.

Nowadays there is an immense amount of cyber bullying and trolling, where the culprit can remain anonymous and stay hidden, whilst the victim is left vulnerable, defenceless, and open to more of the same. There seems to be no accountability for the actions of the troublemakers. I wonder, would those individuals speak to people like that if they were literally in front of their victim and had to face the consequences of their actions - probably not. What gives us the permission to behave so badly ‘online’ simply because we can hide in the shadows? Ego and jealousy, born from a lack of self-worth and self-esteem, will not allow someone to appreciate the success of another.

We need to return to having good manners. Yes, it would be good to see a return to basic good manners, those of not slurping soup, and not interrupting others, speaking softly and not shouting, not pushing in and having a general bonhomie. However, there is another layer of manners, we could call it spiritual good manners, where the soul operates from a place of conscience and treats others as they would like to be treated. In other words, if we do not want to receive anything negative or abusive, then to be very mindful not to dish it out too freely to others. What happened to brotherly goodwill and good wishes and pure feelings?  

“The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.” - Fred Astaire

It is time to return to the deep good manners we all carry within.

Sweetness
Not only is politeness important, but so is sweetness. Being considerate, generous, and caring toward others, having a warm and affectionate nature is truly mannerly. Small gestures of appreciation are … well … appreciated. Sweetness brings pleasure to the tongue, the ear, and the heart.

Generosity
Let me be generous with my thoughts. Let me give the benefit of the doubt. Let me forgive and let go. These are good manners within the soul. Not only do I give respect to the other, but also to myself, as I do not pollute my mind and heart with waste and negative thoughts and ill feelings about others. Generosity is not just about giving physically and literally, but in spiritual terms it is an outpouring of love and compassion. Even though I may feel the other to be not deserving of it, yet I still give goodness. That is generosity.

There is a scene in the epic story of the Mahabharat when Bhishma (the Godfather), stops to tell Shakuni (the wicked uncle), that when the elephant stops for the ant to pass, that is not his weakness, but his greatness. Bhishma was implying that he was the elephant and Shakuni the ant. Bhishma was forgiving each and every time Shakuni tested him. Like with everything in life, there needs to be a balance of love and law, but because there was not, Shakuni took advantage of his kindness, and the result was the great Mahabharat war.

Humility and Grace
Humility is graceful. Behaving with grace is exceptionally good manners. Humility is not about thinking less of myself, but about thinking of myself less. Humility is the honey that people are drawn to. It enables us to win friends, love, support, co-operation and much more. Humility is a gentle quality; it is a fragrant quality, especially in the atmosphere of the foul spell of arrogance. Humility is knowing my true worth, a subtle confidence with no need to prove it to anyone. 

Mindful and Aware
Being mindful is about being thoughtful and having foresight.  Being aware of where I leave my belongings, so as to not create an obstacle for others. Holding the door open for another person to come through. Being mindful that others have not eaten and so let me not take all the pizza, pasta, pecan pie, and pudding. Aware of including others in the conversation so no one feels left out. Being kind and speaking with respect to everyone, all the time, every time, every day. Practised good manners become my way of life.

Being Present and Attentive
How many of us are truly present and attentive? How much am I really mindfully present in my interactions and conversations with other people? Maybe I am only half listening, but in actuality I am preparing my next question, my response, my item on the agenda, and what I will do next when the meeting has finished?

Perhaps, we are victims of our own wandering minds. Unfortunately, we have lost the art of being able to listen with focused attention for more than a few minutes. That is why meditation is a good practice; of the many beautiful things it makes available to us, one is to be able to extend our attention span.

We need to re-learn the art of slowing down in life. There is no need to be rushing around like headless chickens. Where are we rushing to anyway? We just increase our stress levels and watch our blood pressure skyrocket, mostly over small and unimportant issues.

It is time to return to the wonderful old-fashioned, beautiful good manners.

Good manners will open doors that the best education will not.”

- Clarence Thomas

Aruna Ladva is an author and Rajyoga meditation 
teacher based at the Global Retreat Centre, Oxford, UK.