By: Debbie Castle  
Source: The Daily Guardian https://epaper.thedailyguardian.com/view/1898/the-daily-guardian%09/15 
Dated: January 11th, 2025

There are many kinds of friendships that we can form throughout our lives. By their very nature, friendships are designed to bring comfort, support, and joy. When we participate authentically in such relationships, friends become the ones who can really see us, understand us and help us to see ourselves, deeply. We can develop friendships with peers, older and younger people, animals and with the natural world. A friendship is a relationship with another being with whom we cultivate a close bond and mutual regard. It is forged with another whom you know well, and have affection for.

In reality, there are only two lifelong friendships we will have in this life. All other friendships are optional – that is, they may come and go in our lifetime for a variety of reasons. They may dissolve due to time, geography, conflict, death, or other circumstances. Some friends are meant to accompany us on our journey for a particular reason, and when that purpose is satisfied, the friendship itself may weaken and dissolve.

There are only two lifelong friendships that are compulsory. The first one is with the self. To make this relationship and friendship work, we have to recognise “who I really am.” We have to be able to dissociate ourselves from the many roles we play, and realise “that’s not me...”, it is one of the many roles I play. When I come to know and understand the true me, the inner self, as a conscious being filled with virtues and powers then I can be consistent in the regard I hold for the inner being, the soul. Self-doubt and being hard on the self will damage this relationship. And it is foundational to all other relationships and friendships that we form, that we know who we are and what we bring to any relationship.

The second ‘non-optional’ friendship is with the Divine, the Highest Power, the Supreme – by whatever name you call that One, who resides outside of this physical world that we are experiencing. To make this relationship work, as a friendship, we must recognise the eternal, unchanging nature of this Highest Power and the creative role this Being plays in the world. The relationship begins with learning from the One about what is really going on inside me. To nurture this friendship requires that I make effort to bring this Being into my consciousness, in both happy and difficult times. This happens through meditation when we learn to accept the immense love this Source is ready to give us, and open ourselves to that love.

To make the other, optional friendships function well throughout life, for however long they remain active, we must recognise the unique virtues and qualities of the other, which may be very different from our own. In these friendships, we must be creative and celebrate the good times to boost happiness. It is essential to communicate with love and regard, and support one another through periods of challenge. We must also be aware that these relationships may not last for ever, and express gratitude for what they do bring while we are in them.

For all these friendships, both the ‘forever’ and the ‘optional’ ones, the qualities that help build joy to them are:

Communication – to listen well and with openness

Creativity – to know how to celebrate the good times

Consistency –to develop a sense of belonging and keep the connection present

Curiosity – to find out more about what interests both and to explore those things deeply, even if initially it has no interest for us. These shared interests will require a recognition of boundaries – when one of us feels uncomfortable to share further with the other, then curiosity may have gone too far.

Friendships are a kind of creation, a ‘tasty thing’ baked with love! There are three ingredients to add for greater sweetness:

¼ cup of justice – to have the power of discernment, and be interested in doing the right things in society with their company.

½ cup of openness – to make our original, real self, available to the other, using the qualities you hold most dear and leave opinions aside.

¼ cup of a yielding nature – to be able to adapt and go with the flow, see mistakes as part of the learning process and keep moving forward.

Friendships are precious. The most precious of all is the eternal friendship with the Divine. Meditation is the direct route to establish and sustain this very unique and beloved friendship.

 
Debbie Castle is an educator and writer, 
who coordinates the Canadian Brahma Kumaris Virtual Centre.