Introduction

For a long time, I lived in a constant tug-of-war between ego and self-respect. The two seemed intertwined, often confusing me. Was I standing up for myself, or was I defending my ego? It was only when I began my spiritual journey and reflected deeply that clarity unfolded. My experiences with people, situations, and my own inner struggles became a mirror, teaching me that ego and self-respect, though often mistaken for one another, arise from very different places.

The Subtle Difference

Ego, I discovered, is fragile. It constantly seeks validation, recognition, and superiority. It wants to be heard, seen, and respected—yet it never feels satisfied. Self-respect, on the other hand, is rooted in dignity and truth. It does not demand attention but quietly radiates strength. Ego shouts, while self-respect whispers.

In my own life, I often mistook ego for self-respect. If someone disagreed with me, I felt hurt, defensive, and restless. I would replay conversations in my mind, proving myself right. At that time, I thought I was “protecting my self-respect.” But gradually, I realised that this was my ego—hungry for approval, unable to accept differences, and unwilling to let go.

Lessons from Interactions

As I grew spiritually, I noticed how people behave differently in the same situations. Some react with anger, some withdraw, while others remain calm. I began observing my own reactions too. There were times when I felt insulted, but when I reflected, I realised the person hadn’t intended to hurt me. My hurt arose because my ego was sensitive and overreacting.

True self-respect, I learnt, is unshaken by another’s words or opinions. It is anchored in inner worth, not in external validation. When I stood in self-respect, I no longer needed to argue or prove myself. Silence became my strength. This was a powerful shift for me—realising that silence is not weakness, but an expression of dignity.

From Restlessness to Peace

Earlier, when ego ruled me, I felt restless, anxious, and drained after conflicts. The ego thrives on comparison and competition; it always wants to be “one step higher.” But self-respect brought peace. When I began to practice affirmations and meditation, I experienced a deep sense of calmness. Slowly, I understood that true respect is first given to the self—by honouring my values, my boundaries, and my truth.

This transition was not easy. There were moments of doubt—was I being too passive, or was I truly embodying self-respect? But each experience guided me. Whenever I responded with ego, I felt heaviness. Whenever I responded with self-respect, I felt light. That inner compass became my guide.

Practical Realisations

One of the most valuable lessons I received is that ego divides, but self-respect connects. Ego creates walls, while self-respect builds bridges. For example, in disagreements, ego says: “I must win.” Self-respect says: “Let’s maintain dignity and understanding.” Ego resists change, while self-respect adapts gracefully.

Another realisation was that ego depends on others—it exists only in comparison. Self-respect, however, is independent. It is the recognition of the soul’s intrinsic value. No one can give or take it away. This awareness freed me from the exhausting cycle of seeking approval.

The Way Forward

Today, I consciously choose self-respect over ego. This doesn’t mean I allow disrespect or remain silent in the face of injustice. Instead, it means I respond with calm clarity, not anger. I no longer need to “prove” my worth; I simply live it.

Meditation has been a profound support in this journey. By connecting to the Supreme Source, I draw strength, wisdom, and peace. This inner connection helps me rise above petty reactions and stay anchored in my higher self.

Conclusion

The journey from ego to self-respect is a journey from restlessness to peace, from dependence to freedom. Ego may still knock at my door, but I have learnt to recognise it. Self-respect, on the other hand, has become my constant companion—quiet, dignified, and strong.

As I reflect on my experiences, I realize that the world outside will not always change, but my inner world can. By choosing self-respect over ego, I not only transform my own life but also inspire harmony in my relationships.

BK Meera
Director, Brahma Kumaris South East Asia